The Stress Of It All!

I haven't posted in the longest, longest time.  Work, work, work...I barely have time to sit and relax.  When I do get a moment to take a break (doesn't happen till the kids are down) I usually fall asleep.  I think I live on 6 or less hours of sleep.  I think that's typical for mothers, but maybe not.

Last week my boss dropped a HUGE bomb on the contract admin department (that's where I am) at work.  This department is somewhat spread across the US and ThyssenKrupp Elevator has decided to centralize it to one location : Kennesaw, Georgia.  *PANIC* What does that mean?  Well, I can move there or find something else.  This boss of mine did share the news with the regional president, whose office I work out of in
Bellevue, who has offered me a position in the accounting department with a new and upcoming system that they're going on soon.  Hooray!!  I could still have a job!!  Sad day...it requires me to move to Salt Lake City.  So, after talking with him I take one step down and go to our district office which also resides in Bellevue and see what they've got available.  The district manager says to me, "Tamara you're way too valuable to lose!"  I just told her to keep me in mind with any upcoming positions.  What can I say??? I like ThyssenKrupp, I guess.  Heck, I've been there eight years which is longer than I've been married.  I don't want to hit the pavement and look for something else to be completely honest.  So, I get and email from the district office two days later saying a gal is retiring and her job would be a perfect fit for me.  *Glimmer of hope, perhaps?*  Also requires me to move.  This time it would be Portland.

Yeah, I'm over-the-top stressed.  Do I even want to move?  No, not really.  And it's not because my family is here.  I've lived away and only visited my family twice a year so I can handle that.  It is nice being close to everyone PLUS the folks watch my children, which I truly appreciate.  My main issue is Chris.  He's not a stay-at-home dad so what's he going to do?  Quit his job to follow me and then start from the bottom somewhere?  I know I wouldn't get a raise if I moved to Georgia - why would they pay me more for doing what I already do  The only difference would be that I'm at a different office.  I was told I could get a new computer with dual flat-screens if I went.  Anyway, even if I get a slight raise with the other two we'd be taking a step back financially.  If Chris does find a job our two kids would be in daycare full-time.  Where's the appeal in that?  I already feel like I'm just the babysitter sometimes.  I feel like nobody understand this.  Chris just keeps saying it will all work out.  What will work out?  I've got to make a decision here and saying that is not helping AT ALL.

A high-point in some of this.  Last week we found out that our short sale went through - HOORAY!!  It closes mid-July.  With that happening and the timing of my unemployment makes me think, "maybe this is the Lord's plan for us...to move to a different state and me continue my career at TKE."  My hopes were to be a mother when we had children, not an employee...but whatev.  I do also have another thought which is, "maybe the Lord's plan for us is to move into something cheaper here (one reason we did the short-sale) and for me to stop working."  With my position moving it kind of gives me an out.  But, for some reason I feel guilty about it.  Shouldn't I feel relief?  I've crunched the numbers and actually we could do fine with me on unemployment for a bit.  I could work at an easy part-time job in the afternoons or evenings a couple days a week.  I have a sister who's always wanted me to sell Mary Kay...then I could make my own schedule.             
I feel like I'm carrying a ton of bricks on my back.  I told Chris I'd follow him anywhere.  However, his job would have to be great enough to allow me not to have to work if we were to have to move.  Men are the providers...that's there job.  I'm only working to help support until things can get better for him.  With this new company and the work he's doing I do believe we are on the road there.  His goal was to bring me home by next year. Perhaps we're getting a jump start. 

 

Thanksgiving 2011

This year we spent Thanksgiving at my parents house. We haven't been to my families in the last seven years and boy did I miss my mom's cooking. Her stuffing and gravy is THE BEST (among other delicious dishes she makes). A quick snapshot of the afternoon's events:

Uncle Chris with a happy Aria.

The men folk.

One group shot with Connor, Zeke, Ryland, Christina, Zoey & me.

The precious boy, Luke, hiding behind a chair. I still got his picture :)

Little Hunter. He's the happiest guy around.

Baby girl giving knuckle bumps while sleeping. Got to keep it real at all time.

A Hero is Made

Luke wanted to be a superhero for Halloween this year. Back in April we got him two capes for his birthday, but he hasn't been interested in them until recently. So instead of going out and buying a costume (Spiderman was his preference) I thought I'd make Luke into his very own superhero.

My cricut is a handy machine. With freezer paper I made a plain white t-shirt into Luke's "super awesome"superhero shirt. Not too shabby.

True Love

Luke has a passion for cars. A few of these have to bathe with him, sit at the table during meals and even sleep with him. Most nights he has to gather his most "special" vehicles before he can get in bed and go to sleep. As I went to check on him before I head to bed to give him one last kiss I found his cars in their usual place, but also found something unusual. I still laugh as I look at this picture...why does Luke have a sock on his hand? I can only guess that he was polishing his cars. I may never find out.

The Unexpected - Labor Pains

Not quite as terrible as the last one, but still had an unexpected outcome. So here goes:
Tuesday (2 days overdue): I went to my doctor's appointment and my doc lovingly suggests he induce me the next evening since my blood levels are doing so well (my platelet counts were being monitored after they dropped back in May).
Wednesday (3 days overdue): Went in and started the cervix softening thingy that should start things up within 12 hours. My parents flew in from the 5 week vacation and I was so happy to have my mom there.
Thursday morning (4 days overdue): Things were not progressing as planned so they changed to a different type of cervix softener and by mid-morning I started having contractions. The nurse checked and I was to a 3 and said she could feel her little head. Now were were getting somewhere.
Thursday afternoon: They started me on pitocin to really get me moving and this is where time gets a little muddled. It was maybe around three or four when my water broke on it's own (weirdest sensation) and then the contractions immediately became super painful and were minutes apart. The nurse checked me again and I was to a 5 and then ran to find the anesthesiologist to get my epidural started cuz there was no way I was going to get to a 10 without it. I don't remember how long it took, but they were back and had the epidural in and I was good to go. Hooray! The nurse checked me again and found baby poo (there is a fancy term that I don't want to look up the spelling for) on her glove and realized this baby was no longer head down. She checked again and then got my doctor (who was the on-call doc that day - awesome he planned for me to come in so he could deliver me). He checked and found that little baby girl had turned and was breach. Since my water had broke already it's not so easy to turn them and my option was to have a c-section. What?! This baby turned and I didn't even notice?
The doctor talked to me and told me how everything was going to go and so did the anesthesiologist (everyone at Providence was super awesome). I don't think it was even 15 minutes that went by and I was wheeled into the operating room. I think there were 10 nurses in there, but I couldn't tell as I was laying on my back the whole time. There was a curtain up so Chris didn't pass out from all the the stuff going on...they make the husbands sit down anyway. The anesthesiologist pumped my epidural full of heavier drugs and little Aria was born at 6:02pm, 8 lbs 8 oz, 20 inches long. Practically perfect in every way.
Once I was stitched up I was wheeled into recovery where I got to hold little Aria for the first time. She was a doll. All my fears of ugly baby outcome were forgotten. After a few minutes my family members came in 2 at a time to see me and the baby. Luke came in with my dad and we told him this was his little sister that grew in mom's tummy. His first response, "Let me see the whole". I guess that's a reasonable question to a 3 year old because how else do baby's come out of mommy's tummy? We laughed and told him he'd have to wait because right now it has a big band-aid on it.
After recovery, I was transferred to another room and floor which was great since the room was bigger and the bed was softer. C-section patients have their own floor which I didn't realize. I did not miss my hold room because the beds are way too small for me and my feet hang off the end which is really uncomfortable.
I was released on Saturday evening and Chris had the whole following week off to help with my recovery.
Now, if my first delivery had been an easy recovery I'd choose that every time since you're up and back in action almost right away. C-section compared to my previous childbirth? I'd choose C-section again. This has been a lot easier...still lots of pain and discomfort, but I'm able to get around.
Luke is adjusting to his little sister. He has his sweet moments, but I dare not leave him alone with her. He hasn't wanted to help as much as I thought he would. One car ride to the doctor's office proved it. Aria was screaming and we were telling him to give her the binkie and he didn't want to. I'm hoping he comes around.

Aren't I Glamorous?

Right after Aria was born.

Me all glamorous again.

Ready Set

Our house is ready for the baby's arrival. I finished getting everything ready on Saturday. The garland Christina had made for my shower and I loved the bright colors so much that I wanted to hang them above the crib. The other wall looks a little bare, but I've got fun idea to pull off if I can before little Aria arrives, but I'm already 2 days overdue so we'll see.

It's the final countdown

We're a week away from the baby girl's arrival and it couldn't come any sooner. Last weeks appointment showed little progress so I know I won't be early. Bummer... I've still slotted myself one more week of work which needs to happen since those covering for me still need major help. I'm more nervous about things going well while I'm gone from work than I am going through labor again. Is that sad or what?

Since this is partly a journal I must document how I look at 39 weeks prego.

I believe I've hit the weight gain mark I had with Luke. The doctor predicts I'll have an 8 or 8 1/2 pounder this time. Not looking forward to giving birth to a larger child; Luke was only 7 lb 10 oz. With this pregnancy came the swollen ankles and feet. Even with our mild summer I can't seem to stop this crazy swelling. My doctor advised me to take off my wedding ring. I don't want to be one of the women he's had to cut a ring off of. The swelling gets pretty bad by the end of the day, but my feet and ankles are back to almost normal by morning.
I did become anemic and needed to do my iron infusion. I went in every Friday for four weeks and received the rust colored water. Got my energy back just in time to lose it with a newborn baby. At least I'll start our fully charged instead of already drained.