Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Stress Of It All!

I haven't posted in the longest, longest time.  Work, work, work...I barely have time to sit and relax.  When I do get a moment to take a break (doesn't happen till the kids are down) I usually fall asleep.  I think I live on 6 or less hours of sleep.  I think that's typical for mothers, but maybe not.

Last week my boss dropped a HUGE bomb on the contract admin department (that's where I am) at work.  This department is somewhat spread across the US and ThyssenKrupp Elevator has decided to centralize it to one location : Kennesaw, Georgia.  *PANIC* What does that mean?  Well, I can move there or find something else.  This boss of mine did share the news with the regional president, whose office I work out of in
Bellevue, who has offered me a position in the accounting department with a new and upcoming system that they're going on soon.  Hooray!!  I could still have a job!!  Sad requires me to move to Salt Lake City.  So, after talking with him I take one step down and go to our district office which also resides in Bellevue and see what they've got available.  The district manager says to me, "Tamara you're way too valuable to lose!"  I just told her to keep me in mind with any upcoming positions.  What can I say??? I like ThyssenKrupp, I guess.  Heck, I've been there eight years which is longer than I've been married.  I don't want to hit the pavement and look for something else to be completely honest.  So, I get and email from the district office two days later saying a gal is retiring and her job would be a perfect fit for me.  *Glimmer of hope, perhaps?*  Also requires me to move.  This time it would be Portland.

Yeah, I'm over-the-top stressed.  Do I even want to move?  No, not really.  And it's not because my family is here.  I've lived away and only visited my family twice a year so I can handle that.  It is nice being close to everyone PLUS the folks watch my children, which I truly appreciate.  My main issue is Chris.  He's not a stay-at-home dad so what's he going to do?  Quit his job to follow me and then start from the bottom somewhere?  I know I wouldn't get a raise if I moved to Georgia - why would they pay me more for doing what I already do  The only difference would be that I'm at a different office.  I was told I could get a new computer with dual flat-screens if I went.  Anyway, even if I get a slight raise with the other two we'd be taking a step back financially.  If Chris does find a job our two kids would be in daycare full-time.  Where's the appeal in that?  I already feel like I'm just the babysitter sometimes.  I feel like nobody understand this.  Chris just keeps saying it will all work out.  What will work out?  I've got to make a decision here and saying that is not helping AT ALL.

A high-point in some of this.  Last week we found out that our short sale went through - HOORAY!!  It closes mid-July.  With that happening and the timing of my unemployment makes me think, "maybe this is the Lord's plan for move to a different state and me continue my career at TKE."  My hopes were to be a mother when we had children, not an employee...but whatev.  I do also have another thought which is, "maybe the Lord's plan for us is to move into something cheaper here (one reason we did the short-sale) and for me to stop working."  With my position moving it kind of gives me an out.  But, for some reason I feel guilty about it.  Shouldn't I feel relief?  I've crunched the numbers and actually we could do fine with me on unemployment for a bit.  I could work at an easy part-time job in the afternoons or evenings a couple days a week.  I have a sister who's always wanted me to sell Mary Kay...then I could make my own schedule.             
I feel like I'm carrying a ton of bricks on my back.  I told Chris I'd follow him anywhere.  However, his job would have to be great enough to allow me not to have to work if we were to have to move.  Men are the providers...that's there job.  I'm only working to help support until things can get better for him.  With this new company and the work he's doing I do believe we are on the road there.  His goal was to bring me home by next year. Perhaps we're getting a jump start.